A Real Spy Guy
by ForThoseWhoLikeToMoveItMoveIt
Summary: Julien wanted to be a spy, but who's really it? And what did it get him?
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Don't penalize me for making another story! The ones I'm already doing are almost over anyway! And THANK YOU THANK YOU PoMlovah611 for all your BRILLIANT help because I can't Kowalski like you! You helped A LOT! **

**Review for us? Hehe… **

**~Natty.**

* * *

Everything had been normal. Well if you could call having the entire HQ to yourself normal while the rest of your team was out on some errand or affair. They'd left before dawn and hadn't come back yet, leaving the analyst with a lot of marvelous science time. Oh how life was treating him well in this moment as he mixed these two chemicals together. Nothing could ruin this lovely afternoon for him.

"Oh hello neighbor!" The lab door was kicked open as a certain king just waltzed right in like he owned the place.

Kowalski sighed as he put down the beakers. Well, he had indeed spoken too soon. "Julien, what are you doing here?"

The lemur smiled obliviously, walking up to the lab table taking the welcome of one that was warm instead of one that was most unwelcoming. "I was coming to be telling you something from somebody else!"

"A message? From who?"

"Oh, from Blow-Joe."

You could only imagine the analyst's reaction to hearing that. "WHAT!? Wh-what did he say?"

"He was telling me he is having de bossy pants penguin."

"Impossible... Blowhole couldn't have captured Skipper! Th-that's just impossible. And of all people why you to send the message to me?" Kowalski crossed his flippers over his chest and tapped his foot on the ground, no longer believing one bit of what this lemur was saying.

"Fine…do not be believing me. Why would you even be believing Blow-Joe's partner in crime in de first place?" the lemur shrugged and turned to leave.

"Wait! Blowhole's partner? Now? I thought you were a double agent..."

Julien again shrugged with a grin and laughed. "Farewell, silly penguin heh... Be having luck stopping me."

Kowalski's eyes shifted right and left. "No, please! Julien! Wait! Skipper might be in danger! I can't believe I'm saying this, but please take me to them!" he begged.

"Awwww! Am I having to?" The king moped and pulled out a small cardboard packaging, eating the pellets from inside of it. "Dat was so not being part of de job description okay? He was telling me all I had to do was to be making sure I was telling it to you and then eating this poi-shun. Whatever it is." Julien looked at the box with the picture of the dead mouse on it, still not knowing what is was. It didn't taste very good but he started to put another in his mouth.

"Are you completely-" he paused, knowing what he was about to say was true. "Don't eat that! It's poison! It'll kill you!" he said, hitting the back of Julien's neck, making him spit out whatever he ate. "Just take me to where you got the message."

The lemur glared but complied. "Okay FINEEE. Be coming with me then." Julien huffed and took out another pellet.

Kowalski slapped the pellet out of the lemur's paws. "I said don't eat that! Do you want to be _killed!?_" he said, grabbing the box.

"But it was being a present from Blow-Joe!"

"A present!? The present he gave to you is death, you idi-" The tall penguin stopped, realizing that if he made a wrong move, the lemur might not take him to Skipper. "Urgh... Just leave this box alone. I'll examine it later on. Right now, please just take me to them..."

"But I am hungry!" Julien argued sadly.

"Have a fruit or something!" he said, handing him a banana he got from nowhere. "That_ 'gift'_ simply won't satisfy your hunger. Now can you _please _take me to where you received the message?" he pleaded.

Julien gulped down the banana and nodded with his mouthful. "mmYeah mOkay." Before starting to lead out the lab door, throwing the peel carelessly behind him. It slapped onto the tall penguin's beak.

Kowalski sighed then picked the banana peel off his beak, throwing it away before running after the lemur.

They'd managed to make it topside and over the wall when Julien looked behind him at the penguin before bolting down the zoo path as fast as he could, trying to lose the bird.

"Julien!" Kowalski yelled after the mammal, sliding on his belly. This way, he was faster than the lemur. "JULIEN!"

Julien ran faster, but knowing he wouldn't be able to outrun the penguins sliding, he did what lemurs do best. He leaped.

"JULIEN! YOU BETTER COME HERE RIGHT NOW!" Kowalski shouted.

The lemur spared a glance back, which was a mistake since he rammed into a bench. "Ow! Oh who would be even putting dat there anyway?!"

"Aha! Gotcha!" Kowalski exclaimed, pinning him down on the ground.

Julien struggled in the bird's grip, glaring and kicking. "Stop it! Be getting off already!"

"WHY were you trying to shake me off your trail?" he demanded, not letting go of the mammal.

The lemur scoffed. "Dat is SO not what I was doing…"

"Mhhmm, right... What were you doing then?"

"Eh…I was definitely not leading you to a trap if dats what you were thinking…" Julien said with an eye roll.

Suddenly in the distance there was a scream from Private.

Kowalski's eyes widened in fear as he heard the scream of his teammate. "PRIVATE!? PRIVATE! WHERE ARE YOU!?" Kowalski called out, standing up and off the lemur, looking around for the origin of the scream.

Julien attempted to use this as a chance of escape, but it was failed as the tape recorder fell out of his fur, landing on the play button and again Private's PRE-RECORDED scream came through the air. The lemur blinked down at it.

Kowalski looked at the tape recorder then glared at the ring-tailed lemur right in front of him. He pointed at the tape recorder. "What is this!?" he snarled. "...Some kind of joke!?" he paused, thinking this through. "And where did you get that scream!?" he asked, worried.

"I would not be lying to you if I was saying I can be explaining dat…" Julien started slowly.

The tape recorder fell to its side and Skipper's scream played.

The lemur blinked. "And dat too…" He moved to pick it up but it played again:

Rico's scream.

Julien frowned. "Okay…I cannot be explaining dat one because it didn't even sound like words…"

"Then explain!" Kowalski demanded.

"I am not being able to tell you where they are!" Julien told him.

_"You imbecile!"_ a high-pitched voice hissed from inside the lemur's ear piece. Guess whoooo? _"Why do I even USE you for my schemes in the first place?!" _

Of course this was heard by the analyst. Kowalski narrowed his eyes, grabbed Julien's earpiece and wore it himself. "Blowhole?"

_"Greetings Kowalski...how are you feeling? Scared yet?"_ the voice responded back.

"Ah, so it is you... what's your scheme this time, Blowhole?" the analyst growled.

_"This is how things are going to play out over the next couple of days. You will do whatever I ask and in return, maybe I won't harm that team of yours…"_ Blowhole said and one could tell he was thrilled.

New agonized screaming started from the earpiece. It was Skipper's and it was live.

_"Skippah!"_ Private's voice shouted. _"No!"_

Rico shouted in alarm in gibberish to this as well over the speaker.

The dolphin laughed. _"Maaybe…"_

The penguin gasped at the sound of Skipper's scream. Kowalski gulped. No, he shouldn't... Plan... need a plan... Hmm... if he let this play out a bit... maybe... just maybe... "A-alright, Blowhole, just... don't hurt them..." his heart was pounding, awaiting the dolphin's reply.

As if on cue to that last statement:

_"AUGGHHHHHHH!"_ His leader screamed.

_"Sorry, what was that Kowalski?"_ the dolphin mocked, wanting to hear the analyst agree to his demands again.

"Stop! Please! Don't hurt them! I'll do whatever you want just please..." Kowalski pleaded.

_"UGH!"_ Skipper cried. _"Don't LISTEN to him!"_

The analyst apologized into the speaker. "I'm sorry Skipper but I can't let you guys get hurt!"

_"ACK! You MANIAC!"_ The leader choked as his throat was jabbed again and started to shout obscenities at the dolphin but was quickly silenced.

Private was heard whimpering.

_"Ohhhh Kowalski?"_ Blowhole sang. _"I'm ready to give you my demands whenever you are…"_

"R-right..." the analyst nodded even though he couldn't be seen. "What do you want me to do?"

_"Make the imbecile give us a little privacy."_ the dolphin said, meaning the idiotic lemur.

"Uhm... J-Julien, would you be so kind as to leave? I'm kind of... busy here..." Kowalski said to the lemur.

The lemur blinked but shrugged. "Eh." He walked away. "I am not understanding this whole double spy-guy thingy anyways."

"He's gone, Blowhole..." said Kowalski when the lemur king was out of earshot.

_"You will not believe how hard it is to dispose of that lemur…Well you will."_ Blowhole laughed. _"Soon…mwa-ah-ah-ah-ah!"_ he cackled in amusement.

The brainiac gulped. "So wh-what do you want me to do?" he asked with uncertainty. He wasn't sure if he should be following orders from this evil dolphin but if it meant saving his friends...

_"I want you to kill King Julien…"_


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note: A short chapter story mwehe. Again thank you PoMlovah611 !**

**~Natty.**

* * *

"_I want you to kill King Julien…"_

Kowalski gasped. "What!? No! I would never-"

_"You know Skipper…"_ the dolphin said to the side. _"You look good in blood…"_ he said just to bother Kowalski.

The analyst broke there and then. "Alright! Alright! Fine! I'll do it... just... give me some time..."

_"K'walski! You CAN'T!"_ Private cried.

_"What could you possibly have to gain from taking out ring-tail?"_ the leader asked the mad dolphin. In return he hissed at the same shard of metal piercing his skin, glaring at the grinning mammal.

_"Believe me..."_ Blowhole told them. _"It'll be worth my while..."_

"Don't h-hurt him, Blowhole... o-or the others... I-I will... y-you'll see... I'll k-kill him... just d-don't h-harm them!" he stammered.

He was stuttering. This, of course was familiar to Skipper. This meant that he had something going on in his head and he was struggling to keep it a secret from the enemy. He had a plan.

_"Excellent..."_ the dolphin said. _"Any particular way you're going to do it?"_ he asked, thrilled to hear more details but sadly the penguin didn't give any and the idiot came back.

"Hey Kowalski! I was finding a bunch of snacky stuffs in de zoo lady's lunched box!" Julien ran up to the penguin suddenly with an armful of sugary snacks and a bottle of ice tea. He started drinking it, unaware of anything that was happening. "Would you be liking some?"

"Um... actually, I would like to take you to my lab now!" Kowalski said with a sheepish grin. "I'd like to... uh... show you something.."

"Ooh! Is it being a present?" Julien grinned excitedly.

"Uuh, yes! You could say that! But we should really hurry..." the scientist said, pushing the lemur toward the penguin habitat.

_"K'walski, no! You ca-"_ Private tried again but the connection was cut as the analyst pulled out the earpiece.

Kowalski kept it then continued pushing the lemur into the HQ and through his lab door. He quickly shut the door, checked around for cameras, and grabbed his smart phone. He turned the earpiece off then took a cord and connected the earpiece to his smart phone. He punched some buttons showed on the screen of the phone and paid no attention to the lemur behind him.

"Hey smarty penguin? What are you doing now?" the lemur asked, sitting up on the lab table.

"Uh... G-getting your present..." Kowalski lied, not looking up from what he was doing.

"Oh yes! I cannot be waiting for it! Is it being a Segway?" the lemur asked hopefully.

"Uh... sure! I'm uh ordering the... supplies I need to create a Segway for you..." then he muttered, "Almost... almost..."

Julien hummed to himself as he started to un-wrap a candy bar.

"Aha! Gotcha..." Kowalski said with a smirk before disconnecting the earpiece from his smartphone and looking at the lemur. "Julien, I'm going to go get the supplies. You have to stay in the zoo... but not here in my lab." he said, pushing Julien up the ladder and on top of the fake island. "I'll go get the supplies, and you'll stay here." he repeated. "You can't come with me because I need it to be a surprise! okay?"

Julien nodded that he understood. "Okay. I will be staying right here!" He pointed before planting his bottom on the ground. He called after the penguin. "Be hurrying back! I am wanting my present like de food! ...Fast! Sky spirit speed, smarty penguin!"

* * *

Kowalski slid out the zoo gates then turned the earpiece on. "Blowhole? Blowhole can you read me?" he called, putting it on.

_"Yeeees... and I'm hoping you read me when I told you what to do."_ the dolphin replied.

Kowalski covered the earpiece's microphone and cleared his throat, readying himself for the acting. "I... I d-did as... as you told, Blowhole." he said, faking sniffs and sobs. "I... I'm so sorry..." he said, saying it to the members of the team.

_"Wha!"_ Rico shouted.

_"How could you?!"_ Private gasped.

Skipper stayed silent, not letting his thoughts known.

_"You did now?"_ The fish mammal seemed surprised at this answer, like he didn't really think what he said would actually be done. But he narrowed his eye in suspicion. _"And just how did you accomplish my task?"_

"I took him t-to the lab... and poisoned him." the scientist kept up the act, hoping the dolphin would buy it. He then began to slide to his destination. There were no sounds or noises that would indicate that he was moving and that was perfect. "I had to watch him until he breathed his last breath... it was h-horrible! Oh the horror... the horror!"

_"You don't know how thrilled I am to hear that...However...there's still phase two of what I want from you..."_ Blowhole said.

Kowalski stopped sliding to stand up. "A phase two? Oh please, not more!" he begged, then covered the earpiece's mic and snickered before continuing on his journey.

_"Admit you felt some type of satisfaction while watching that lemur be destroyed before your very eyes..."_

"Why should I?" Kowalski hissed.

_"You can deny it, try to hide it, but I know you Kowalski… There's only so much of an annoyance you can take, and I think Julien filled that tab fairly well if I'm not mistaken…"_ the dolphin sneered on his end of the line.

"I s-suppose..." the analyst admitted. "But it still didn't feel right murdering someone who didn't do anything wrong..." **Just keep up the act, Kowalski... you're almost there**... he thought to himself.

_"How both noble and honorable of you…"_ Blowhole rolled his eye. _"But there's just one tiiiny problem…" _

"Problem?" the second-in-command repeated.

_"I don't believe you."_


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Wow you guys are great! Again…THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU PoMlovah611 ! X3 And thanks to you reviewers and readers! Hippie love to you!**

**~Natty.**

* * *

"_I don't believe you."_

Kowalski went pale but still keeping the act up he said,"Wh-why don't you believe me!? I said I k-killed Julien, right?"

_"Ah but why would you kill him, Kowalski?"_ the dolphin asked knowingly.

"Because..." The analyst paused. "Because I don't want you to hurt my friends. I had to." By then he had reached his destination and was already sneaking into the place.

_"I don't believe you and you know why I don't believe you? You were always the crafty one, the strategist, the genius… So why wouldn't you think of another solution with much ease? That is why you're too late, Kowalski."_ Blowhole said through the earpiece.

Kowalski burst out of the air vent of Dr. Blowhole's lair, flipped then landed in his fighting stance. "Too late for _what_!?" he shouted.

"K'walski!" Private exclaimed with a bright smile from his wire rope trap.

"'ooway!" Rico cheered.

Skipper smirked in satisfaction, even though being the most harmed out of the three that had been trapped. His proud smile looked weak and he was gravely tired. His head drooped down as he let his mental defenses down.

"Too late…" Blowhole was unsurprised by the analyst's presence. "For THIS! …NOW Red One!" the dolphin commanded.

"Aye Doc." one lobster replied, pressing a button on the control panel.

Two sets of blood-curdling cries of pain filled the area as the traps holding Rico and Private lit up with electricity, electrocuting their captives.

"NO!" Kowalski screamed. He was about to run toward the control panel when two lobsters gripped his flippers, holding him back. "NO! STOP! PLEASE!" he shrieked, trying to pull his flippers free.

At the cries Skipper groggily looked up, narrowing his eyes as his sight caught the jagged piece of metal on the ground by his foot, the one he'd been tortured with.

Blowhole stared at the analyst who's eyes promised him death for what he's done. "Oh please, did you reaally think you could outsmart me? I knew you'd track me down and attempt to save the other peng-you-ins. have the upper flipper! I have two of your teammates trapped and ready to die at the twist of a knob, and I have incapacitated Skipper! You may be smart but you are the weakest link! How will you STOP me? -OW!" the dolphin spun around to the thrower of the pointy metal.

"He doesn't have to." Skipper said, freed from his own wire trap. Weakened but still ready to fight strong. "Cuz I will!"

"Skipper!" Kowalski exclaimed. He then thrashed harder to free himself only to be forced to stay still when a lobster's claw held the back of his neck and pulled him closer.

"Are you sure about that, Skipper?" the dolphin tsked. "You look a bit weak."

"Not weak enough…" Skipper started weakly. "…NOT TO TAKE YOU DOWN YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A TROUT!" the leader screamed and rammed into the mammal.

Kowalski helplessly watched the two arch enemies tussle on the ground. It was weird seeing that Skipper, in his condition, fought like the usual fights he and the dolphin had. Was he really that strong or was the dolphin that weak?

The two broke apart when the dolphin pushed him away from him. Skipper was about to tackle him again when he put his flipper up and in front of him, stopping him.

"Ah ah ah, I wouldn't do that again if I were you." Blowhole smirked then glanced at his foe's second-in-command.

"ACK! Ski-p-per! H-help!" Kowalski choked out. His flippers scraped against the claw that held his throat tight enough to disturb his voice box but not enough to cut off his breathing... yet...

"Surrender to me now and you won't regret not doing it later." the mammal said with a growing grin.

Skipper looked wearily at the few lobsters that surrounded him and then sighed as he looked at his teammates. "Fine."

"Skip...per... No..." Kowalski tried to say loudly but the claw on his throat prevented that.

The leader put his flippers up and began slowly walking to his foe.

"Very nice… I could get used to having you under my total power.." the mammal told him as he walked.

"Hyyah!" Kowalski shouted as he successfully pried the claw off his neck and kicked the two lobsters around him in the head, knocking them out.

Skipper flipped over next to the analyst, each donning a fighting stance in front of the evil mammal.

"Skipper, I have a plan. You'll try to hold him off. I'll go see what I can do to free Private and Rico." the options guy whispered. Without waiting for an answer, Kowalski dashed toward his trapped teammates.

"Stop him!" Blowhole ordered and at once, crustacean warriors began rushing after the penguin.

"You're gonna have to get through me first!" Skipper said, standing in front of them. "Which you _can't_!"

"We'll just have to see about that, wont we?" Dr Blowhole grinned. "…LOBSTERS! SIEZE SKIPPER!"

Immediately, a lobster crashed into Skipper, making them both fall to the ground.

"Lobster Pile!" One crustacean exclaimed.

The others piled on top of them, giving the penguin more pressure as he was pushed against the floor under the weight. The body pile did get higher but not for long until it started to rumble. The lobsters looked surprised before they were all shot up in the air by a non-existent force, all of them raining down around the lab.

"Oh ow that hurt!" One lobster complained from the floor.

Skipper stood there tall, or as tall as he could be for a short penguin and glared furiously, making his way threateningly to his dolphin foe. "Blowhole…"

"AGH!" Blowhole shrieked as Skipper tackled him to the ground.

Meanwhile Kowalski was trying to break the ropes holding Private.

"Hurry, Kowalski!" Private yelped.

"I'm trying! I'm trying!" Kowalski said.

"Wa' 'bout meh!?" Rico shouted.

"Could you wait!?" the scientist grunted before working on the ropes again.

Then Private noticed that a lobster was creeping up behind the second-in-command. "Kowa-" he tried to warn, but it was too late.

A hard claw hit Kowalski in the side, making him fall on the ground. "Ugh..." he groaned at the pain. As Kowalski stood up to fight, the lobster swung his claw at him, successfully hitting him in the face. He growled and tackled him, pinning him on the ground. The lobster rolled them over, so that he was on top and Kowalski was the one pinned down. The analyst pushed the lobster off him with his feet and stood up quickly. When the lobster made a move to slam into him, he moved aside and hit him hard on the back of the neck, knocking him out. He panted then his eyes widened. Aha! he thought, grabbing the limp body of the crustacean and using its claw to snap the young penguin free. Then he snapped Rico free.

On the other side of the room the dolphin and leader rolled around, seemingly taking turns in hitting each other, blocking their own faces and beating their fins against the others face some more. They flipped over and flipped over, pushing each other's flippers, each foe trying to pin the other. The two were evenly matched but now it was Skipper's turn being on the bottom.

"Give up, Skipper!" Blowhole told him. "You can't BEAT me!"

"Oh yeah? Well if he couldn't before, now he can!" Kowalski exclaimed with Private and Rico right beside him.

"With a little teamwork!" Private added.

"YEAH!" Rico agreed.

Smiling at his team, and distracted, Skipper wasn't paying attention and the mammal was able to get a hard hit in. With a hit in the beak, the leader penguin was sent tumbling across the room into the far wall, unmoving.

"SKIPPAH!" Private cried, running after Skipper.

"Wa- I oughtaa..." Rico said, hawking up a bat.

Blowhole chuckled and was helped up tall again on his Segway by the lobsters. He looked down on the puny birds, with quite a smirk.

"Skippah! Skippah say something!" Private hissed to the limp body of his leader now in his flippers. He got no reply and tears started forming in the young one's eyes. "Skippah!" he sobbed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Woohoo! Update! You guys liking this story? Thank you PoMlovah611 for the help and for all you reviewers! X3**

**~Natty.**

* * *

_A Real Spy Guy._

_~PoM~_

"Skippah! Skippah say something!" Private hissed to the limp body of his leader now in his flippers. He got no reply and tears started forming in the young one's eyes. "Skippah!" he sobbed.

"You fiend!" Kowalski shouted at the dolphin.

The weapon's expert and analyst glared death at the mammal.

Private looked up with tears, for the first time feeling something more than annoyance for another being. He felt hatred.

Rico growled then jumped toward the dolphin.

"K'walski…" Private looked to the tall penguin, trying to heft up his leader's body.

Kowalski rushed over to Private and helped him carry Skipper. "We have to get out of here..."

The leader groaned and tried to sit his head up which pounded.

"Skipper, are you alright?" the analyst asked.

Skipper nodded and stood on his own, glaring in the direction of his mortal foe as Rico neared the dolphin with a bat.

"And just what do you think you're going to do with that?" Blowhole laughed.

"Yu- gon' pay hurt 'kipper!" Rico said, patting the bat on his other flipper, glaring at the dolphin.

"Stand down." Skipper ordered, stepping up.

"Ey ''kipper!" Rico exclaimed, relief flooding over him.

"Stand down." the leader repeated, nearing the dolphin and walking past Rico. "You think you can get away with everything you've done..."

"Uh, I can." Blowhole said. "Have actually...and am loving it!"

"Well you can't!" Skipper exclaimed. "You can't just think that every little HUGE evil thing you do will go unnoticed or unpunished cuz guess what Flippy? The world isn't working that way!"

"_**SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE INITIATED." **_The deep voice announced.

"Yeah baby!" Kowalski shouted in triumph as he managed to hack into the dolphin's computer.

"NO! You distracted me with your more than irritating didactic SPEECH!" The dolphin screeched. "You will PAY for this, Skipper! PAAY!" He propelled himself forward on his Segway, headed straight for the leader penguin, attempting to run him over.

Skipper jumped and flipped over the dolphin and landed on his feet right next to the air vent. "Move out men!" he ordered.

"Aye Skippah!" Private said hastily and ran to the vent.

Rico and Kowalski did the same, running to the vent

"Urgh..." Blowhole grunted and made his escape.

They all escaped from the about-to-explode lair with two seconds to spare before it exploded into bits with a loud BOOM!

Skipper coughed from the smoke. "Everyone alright?"

"I'm alright." Private said.

"Aye." Rico coughed.

"Oogh, I'm fine as well..." Kowalski told his leader.

Skipper nodded but soon broke out into a coughing fit, holding his stomach.

"Skipper, are you feeling okay?" Kowalski asked, nearing the leader.

"O-of course I-" To be honest, the leader's chest still hurt from getting the wind knocked out of him when that mammal slapped him into the wall. He gagged.

"Skippah, we should probably get you to a vet." Private suggested.

"I will not give that maniac the satisfaction of knowing he put me out of commission! No vet!" Skipper crossed his flippers stubbornly.

Private glanced at Kowalski with a worried frown.

"... I guess I can see what I can do. First we should bring you back to HQ." Kowalski suggested.

"Do you think…" Private started, looking back at the wreckage "…he…made it Skippah?"

"Of course he did, Private. He wouldn't be my arch enemy by now if he didn't know how to escape his own exploding lair." Skipper said. "You know, sadly." The leader added with a sigh.

"C'mon Skipper. We should probably be getting back to the zoo. Do you need any help?" Kowalski asked.

The leader pulled his flipper away. "I may be old but I'm not old, Kowalski. Do I look elderly to you? By all means tell me! DO I HAVE WRINKLES?" Skipper shouted, pointing irritably to his tired eyes.

"N-no. I just thought... n-never mind" Kowalski shook his head "... Shall we go?"

"Sure why not." Skipper shrugged and started waddling again.

"At least everything is back to no-" Private stopped and stared at the analyst in horror. One might've been able to guess why. What was normal without-

Kowalski smirked at the cadet, reading his emotions. He then waddles alongside him. "Did you really think I'd kill him?"

"I don't know." Private admitted. "I don't even know what I'd do if something like that reared its ugly face. Is Julien alright then?"

"Of course he is. I wouldn't kill the guy. I mean... he hasn't done anything that endangered the whole world, right?" The analyst said.

"He has actually. More than once." Private pointed out. "If you think about it..."

"That is true." the leader agreed matter of fact-ly. "He's helped Blowhole before… How do we know this hasn't been another little collaboration?"

"He had the earpiece." Private said.

"And he told you he was Blowhole's 'partner in crime'" Skipper used his flippers as quotations.

"How do we know he's telling us the truth then?" The private asked.

"I call for an intense and excruciating interrogation…" Skipper narrowed his eyes. "As soon as we get back to the zoo. Asap."

Private gave a frown. "Skippah? Won't that excruciating interrogation be…excruciating?"

"If I have anything to do with it." Skipper told him.

Private's frown deepened. "Perhaps K'walski could do it. Less excruciatingly of course."

"Hey leave me out of that." Kowalski crossed his flippers over his chest. "I had enough of that bubble-headed nincompoop."

"We have to know if he's lying K'walski." Private argued. "Rico and I don't know the first thing about interrogating."

"I do." Skipper laughed. "I know the first and last things. The last is always my favorite part!" he chuckled almost evilly.

"K'walski…" Private begged.

The analyst stared into the private's pleading blue eyes. "Ugh fine. But I'm not promising anything." he said.

"I've never trusted that lemur…" Skipper shook his head. "Anyway, Kowalski. Getting home options."

Kowalski pulled out a map. "I managed to get here belly-sliding but we can take the subway if you want... wait... This place is SUBWAY CONVENIENT!?" he said, looking closer at the map. "Crud, why didn't I use that getting here?" he asked, more to himself.

"Maybe you were brainwashed by that king of a traitor." Skipper scowled. "Traitor." the penguin repeated. "As in, he can't be trusted. As in, he's fooled us all. As in-"

"I GET IT..." Kowalski said, slightly annoyed. "I just didn't pay attention to that before, that's all."

"So we're on route for the subway?" Skipper asked for clarification.

Kowalski nodded. "It should be just ahead."

"Execute. And nobody talk to me. I'm thinking up lemur torture tactics." Skipper said before they entered the subway station, rubbing his chin in thought the whole way as Rico followed him down the stairs.

Private halted in front of the stairway. "K'walski? You aren't really going to torture Julien are you?"

"I wouldn't... unless of course if it is absolutely necessary... If Skipper would be in charge of that...well... let's just say it won't be pretty..." Kowalski admitted.

"When would it become absolutely necessary then?" Private asked.

The analyst shrugged. "If his dumb mind gets too distracted or he really doesn't want to spill the beans."

"Do you think Julien's working for Dr. Blowhole?" Private frowned.

"Nah. Blowhole's just using him for his schemes. If he did hire him, then he'd be more stupid than someone running into a mine field. That imbecile can't even follow direct orders." Kowalski explained, flippers on his hips.

Private nodded but was still unsure of it all. "If Julien is attempting to follow his orders, couldn't we just politely tell him to stop? Or somehow make Blowhole not want to use him anymore?"

"I think Blowhole's got the picture that Julien is useless as a spy." The analyst replied.

"But he got us captured, and led you to it like was asked." Private shook his head. "That doesn't sound very useless to me. If anything, he's effective."

Kowalski was about to respond.

"TALL GUY, SHORT STUFF, THE TRAIN WAITS FOR NO MAN! SO YOU MIGHT WANNA GET DOWN HERE!" Skipper shouted up to them. "Oh and Rico just smacked a guitar playing hippie. Hahaha! Nice work, soldier! That'll teach him to get a job!"

"Ge' job!" Rico commanded and there was the sound of him smacking a man again.

"He'll be working class in no time!" Skipper marveled.

Kowalski rolled his eyes and slid into the train with Private, hoping the lemur wouldn't receive so much harm for what he's caused. The analyst frowned as the train started to move, sitting in the orange colored seat. Julien was an idiot, why on earth would Blowhole choose him as a spy? The analyst's frown turned into a jealous scowl. HE'D make a better spy than that moron!


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Thank you PoMlovah611 ! Although I now have to rewrite the scenes we did that I kind of…um…lost. Hehe… *nervous grin* …REVIEW!**

**~Natty.**

* * *

_A Real Spy Guy._

_~PoM~_

Soon the rookery reached Central Park and as they entered the zoo gates, a certain lemur king was there to see them.

"Hello silly penguins!" Julien waved and ran up to them happily with his hands clasped together. "Have you returned with my Segway?"

Skipper smacked him. "Don't you, 'hello silly penguins have you returned with my Segway, _me_, lemur!'"

"Actually he said it to all of us, Skippah." Private pointed out.

"_Us_." Skipper corrected. "Don't you 'hello silly penguins have you returned with my Segway, _US_!"

Julien blinked. "Eh…what- PENGUIN PULLING ME!" the lemur exclaimed as he was pulled forward by his chest fur.

"Don't think we don't know what you're up to!" Skipper glared into the mammal's eyes.

"Well if it is making you feel any better, I am not knowing either." Julien shrugged and huffed as his fur was pulled tighter.

"We KNOW your little CHARADE, ring-tail!"

"I am not knowing how to play charades." the lemur frowned.

"READ MY BEAK!" Skipper said. "We KNOW what you're up to!" The penguin shoved the king backwards on his rump with a thud.

"Uh, can somebody who is not him be explaining this to me?" Julien looked to the other penguins

Kowalski sighed as he stepped in. "Julien, you were working for Blowhole, correct?"

Julien shrugged. "Dat is what he was telling me."

"Case closed." Skipper decided and began dragging the lemur by his tail to their penguin habitat. "Time for interrogation."

"But Skippah!" Private interjected.

"Skipper..." Kowalski said, rushing to the leader's side. "He might spill without hurt! _His extremely stupid mind won't even realize it._" he whispered.

Julien yanked his tail away from the leader penguin. "Hey are saying dat I am de stupidy? I am being smarter than you flightless birds are thinking!" the lemur said, much to the analyst and private's alarm.

"Skipper, he doesn't know what he's talking about." Kowalski said. "Julien probably knows nothing about Blowhole."

"Blow-Joe? I am knowing of Blow-Joe." Julien nodded.

Kowalski face-flippered.

Private whimpered.

"Uhhmm, no you don't! Ehe..." Kowalski pressed on, hiding his frustration with an unconvincing smile.

"Ehhh, yes I am! Me and him was talking about all types of thingies!" Julien defended with an eye roll.

Skipper opened his beak to reply but Kowalski clamped it shut right away.

"Things like what?" the analyst asked.

"I cannot be telling you." Julien said simply.

Skipper smacked the analyst's flippers away from his face and glared outraged at the king. "Excuse me?"

Kowalski frowned. "Why not?"

Julien shrugged. "Because Blow-Joe was telling me not to."

That was a wrong answer because it landed him with a flipper to the side of his neck, and Skipper, the one who knocked out the lemur, started dragging the body by the royal feet. Let's just say the rest of the team was in shock.

"Skipper! Wait!" Kowalski said, stepping in front of the leader.

"Out of the way, Kowalski. We've got ourselves a spy here." Skipper said.

"Are we really considering this?" Kowalski asked. "Really now? What information can he _possibly_ deliver to us? The only thing he'll probably enlighten us of is how long he can't hold his breath under water!"

Private had on a very concerned frown. "Skippah, this is Julien we're talking about! I'm sure if we asked he'd just tell us what happened."

"Heh 'tupid!" Rico agreed.

"As restricted as ring-tail's mind is, we can't take any chances here! This is Blowhole! And I've already made my decision. This is an order! Follow it!" Skipper shouted.

The three penguins exchanged glances. Kowalski rubbed his head while Private and Rico looked down a bit guiltily.

The leader did feel a little bad about pulling the order card but this was for the safety and best interest of everyone. If this is what they had to do then so be it. So he pulled back up the unconscious lemur's feet but he wasn't getting anywhere fast.

Skipper frowned. "Now someone grab his head. I'm getting old…"

Rico looked at Private and the young penguin whimpered with a scared head shake. Private pointed to the weapon's expert.

Rico scowled. "Nuh-uh!"

Kowalski rolled his eyes and went to grab the lemur's arms. "Oh _I'll_ do it! Here!" The analyst lifted the gray arms while his leader lifted the legs. They began carrying the mammal to the HQ.

Private and Rico waddled to follow when they were instructed otherwise.

"You two stay behind." Skipper instructed. "Make sure there weren't any witnesses then go get a snow cone. We'll be done and out before you know it."

"We, Skipper?" Kowalski questioned.

"Yes, _we_ Kowalski. You and I have a spy to interrogate." The leader replied, trying to pull the lemur towards the penguin habitat but the analyst wouldn't budge with his half.

Kowalski dropped the king's head on the ground and put his flippers on his hips. This whole thing was ridiculous. Julien couldn't be a spy, he was too stupid! "Julien can't be-"

"-trusted! I know!" Skipper finished, dropping his half as well, letting the bottom half of the royal body hit the concrete with a thud. "Can't say I never saw it coming, but I'm still kind of surprised he's a complete sell out! You think you know a guy and he sells you! Literally! I sold Johnson for a quick buck! Can't even look at myself in the morning! But at least I'm not a dirty spy-"

"Skipper!" The analyst cut his leader's ranting short. "Look I doubt Julien is a spy or anything of the sort, I mean…_really doubt_… but I _don't _doubt that Blowhole may have told him some intel that could be of some use to us so I am fully prepared to partake in this interrogation. However I do have some safety concerns that need to be at least a little put at ease if we are actually going to accomplish this in the right way that I-"

Julien groaned as he sat up, rubbing his head. "Oh my royal melon…what was I_ doing_ last night? …Oh hello silly penguins! Do you by any of de chances have any idea what it is I was-" Another flipper to the neck had him silenced with another thud back on the zoo path.

Kowalski retracted his outstretched flipper with an annoyed look down to the re-knocked out mammal.

Private gasped in shock at what his teammate just did while Rico clapped in impressed approval.

"K'walski!" Private scolded.

The analyst realized he'd been looking at this all wrong. This event shouldn't be labeled as inhumane or an act of injustice but as an outlet; A wonderful outlet that the angels themselves shine their lights upon. This was restitution and a way to compensate for years of constant headache and non-exasperated sighs all in response to this idiotic mammal!

Kowalski didn't have to think twice anymore. He was on board! His widened eyes lit up in seconds. "I'll get the tools."


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: Another update for this! You are all my excellent little spy guy peoples! X3**

**~Natty.**

* * *

_A Real Spy Guy._

_~PoM~ _

The leader smirked, dropping the lemur's head he was trying to pick up. It made a thud on the ground at the impact. Proud of his lieutenant's decision, Skipper smiled at him. "Glad you're on board for the greater good. Now let's get this thing inside and on the rack before someone sees."

Kowalski nodded with something close to excited glee before rushing over, him and his commander again lifting up each end of the lemur's body.

Private was flabbergasted, stammering with his beak wide open. "B-bu-! K'walski! _Skippah!_ We just can't-"

"We can, authorized, can, doing it." Skipper listed with a huff. Ringtail had to have put on a few pounds since back at that island. This couldn't have been some ploy in the episode by the creators to buy time.

"But-!" The private was also speechless, knowing nothing else to say except- "Skippah!" This wasn't right, was it? Julien was their friend! They couldn't just make him sit through a painful interrogation the way they were! The lemur was so fragile! This couldn't be right at all but Skipper thought it was… But then again… A smirk lit up a bit on the young penguin's beak as he faked a pout, batting his blue eyes. He held both his flippers innocently in front of him, acting a bit shy. "Skippah…" He tried cutely.

"Nice try Private." The leader rolled his eyes and continued carrying, seeing right through the young one's façade.

"Hmph!" Private crossed his flippers angrily. "I swore I wouldn't do this...but it is for the greater good after all…" He blinked. "Even if it is for Julien then… _Beusch!_" He did his hyper-cute in front of his commander's eyes.

Luckily those eyes were covered by Kowalski who looked away himself (also letting the king's head hit the ground again), foiling the private's little plan. However Rico who hadn't been expecting this got the raw end of the deal.

"Awww! 'dorable!" Rico cooed before he fell backwards unconscious.

"Hey who shut out the lights?" Skipper asked, turning his head left and right with the analyst's flippers over his eyes. The leader miraculously turned his head to the direction the analyst was standing. "There a space-squid on my head?"

"No. You're good." Kowalski huffed as he removed his flippers. "There's only a dirty little stunt that could very well fall under the lines of mutiny." The analyst said in direction to the private who looked down.

"Long as it isn't one of those tentacle bearing demons, we're still in commission for taking out this execution- uh interrogation. Funny how those two words sound the same." Skipper said with a laugh, continuing his dragging. "Now no more humorous interruptions. We need to start this cross-examination before anyone misses the royal nuisance or before he wakes up, whatever happens in what order."

"Oh hi penguins!" Mort greeted, walking up from nowhere. He noticed his incapacitated ruler and frowned with a head tilt. "What are you doing to King Julien?"

"You two! Mutiny and nappy-nap!" The leader pointed, letting one of the lemur's feet hit the ground as he did, pointing to an upset Private and unconscious Rico. "Take care of that. Take him to Marlene's or something. We don't want him saying what he saw to Maurice! If that other lemur gets whiff of what we're doing our operation will be completely compromised! So get to it! …Come on, Kowalski."

Kowalski followed suit, picking up the monarch's head as the two higher up penguins rushed to the penguin habitat. Soon after the fishbowl slammed shut, the sound of it being locked behind them hung in the air.

Private whimpered at that, frightened for what horrors the lemur king would have to endure. Rico was still out of action, belly up on the concrete and sprawled out. The private nudged him awake again. "Rico! Skippah gave us a job to do!"

"Huh?" The weapon's expert groaned groggily as he sat up, scratching his side. He noticed Mort standing there and pat the little lemur's head a bit too forceful than necessary, making it stumble a bit. "Aw! 'dorable!" Then he turned to the private. "What we doin?"

The private tried to whisper it so as not to alert a certain tiny lemur. "We have to distract Mort from _you-know-who_…"

"'Walski?" Rico tilted his head in confusion.

"No, Rico. I'm talking about _you-know-who_." Private corrected.

The living artillery scratched his head and pointed back to the private who gave an exasperated sigh.

"Not _me_!" Private rolled his eyes with a tsk. "Haven't you been paying attention to anything that's been going on?"

"No!" Rico admitted with a head shake.

"We must keep Mort's mind off of King Julien so he won't tell Maurice where Skippah and K'walski have taken him." The private explained. "Do you understand it now?"

"Ohhhhh. Yup." Rico nodded in understanding.

Private sighed. "Good. Now-"

"The penguins took King Julien!" Mort proclaimed, having heard the whole thing. "I must tell Maurice now!" Then he raced off to do so.

Private gasped in alarm, his flippers momentarily over his own beak as he ran after the little mouse lemur. "Mort! You can't!"

Rico stood behind blinking before he realized something important. "Ey! We gon get snowcones?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: So short I deserve to be punished but I swear there shall be more next time! This was all I could do on no sleep or coffee at 5 in the morning…Review anyway? X3**

**~Natty.**

* * *

_A Real Spy Guy._

_~PoM~_

"MAURICE! MAURIIIIICE!" Mort called throughout the zoo as he ran for the lemur habitat. He had to tell Maurice about King Julien! So his little legs ran faster. "OH MAURIIIIIIIIIICEEEE!"

"Mort, no!" Private ran after him. He huffed and struggled to keep up to the little guy.

It was becoming quite that chase and for some reason was way longer than the distance between their two habitats should allow. In fact it didn't make sense at all why they had been running for so long. I mean, they were right next door. The creators must have had to stretch the scene length a bit so the animators must have added more distance between their usually close enclosures.

This was just great! How would he explain this to Skipper? Or to Maurice if word got out about Julien being held by them in their HQ? This was awful! Not to mention Mort saw something so traumatic! This whole thing was just terrible!

Also…

The private whimpered. It didn't look like Skipper was feeling too well after that fight with Dr. Blowhole. It worried the young bird deeply. He did hope his leader was alright… Well Kowalski was with him so if anything was wrong it wouldn't be too bad. Those thoughts reassure him a bit so he could carry on with his task. Who knew little lemurs could run so fast?

"Mort! Would you please slow down a bit? We just want to talk!" Private pleaded after the mouse lemur.

However Mort wasn't hearing him. "MAURIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!"

"_Ouuu!_" The private exclaimed in frustration as he puffed out air. This never would have happened if it weren't for that stupid dolphin! He wanted to pop him one alright! "Moooort!" Private whined.

"Ey! Snow-_cones_!" Rico ran after the private and mouse lemur angrily, demanding his frozen treat. Were they going to get some or not? They better be! He had his heart set on that colorful coldness! You couldn't just back out! Not out of snow cones! "Ebablagamamam! Snow-cones!"

Private rolled his eyes and looked back ahead. "Mort, would you just listen for a moment please? It's about King Ju-"

"WABAGAMA! SNOW-CONES!"

"AH!" Private shouted as he was tackled to the ground by a heavy weight on his back. He gasped and looked up to be met with an outraged face.

"_Snow-CONES_!" Rico demanded, pounding on the small penguin's back. "SNOW-CONES!"

"Ou dear…" The private exhaled, the air being knocked out of him every time a flipper fist hit him directly in the spinal. He then faintly saw the little lemur feet disappear around a corner. They'd lost him. "Oh, Rico! Look what you made me do! We've lost Mort! Now what are we going to tell Skippah?"

The weapon's expert slammed the younger's head on the concrete repeatedly in alarm, shouting in gibberish.

Private nearly felt himself snap. "_OH_, WE'RE NOT GETTING YOUR STINKING SNOW-CONES! ENOUGH ALREADY!" Or he did.

"Nuh snow-cones!" Rico corrected. "Look!" He lifted the private's head to look.

"Rico, I don't see anyth-"

"C'mon loooooook!" Rico whined, getting off the young bird to lift him up like bazooka gun in the arms, pointing Private in the direction he wanted to be seen.

Private still didn't see it. "What-" Then he did. With a gulp he started to sweat drop at the sight of the angry aye-aye stomping towards them. The private chuckled nervously. "Oh, uh, hello Maurice…"


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: Well I didn't lie, it IS longer than last chapter…heh… I don't really feel like rushing this story with long chapters that give away all major points at once. So I shall take it slow but next chapter does speed up the plot a bit and hopefully we can get to the wonderful torture of King Julien- er uh I mean completely painless and child friendly questioning. Yeah. **

**~Natty.**

* * *

_A Real Spy Guy._

_~PoM~_

With a gulp he started to sweat drop at the sight of the angry aye-aye stomping towards them. The private chuckled nervously. "Oh, uh, hello Maurice…"

"Either of you two seen Mort or Julien anywhere?" Maurice asked, surprising both penguins.

"Moht? Julin? Nope!" Rico shook his head quickly.

"Rico…" Private hissed in a scold before looking to the adviser. Oh dear he was no good when it came to lying or being deceitful. How on earth was he going to get through all this he didn't know. Maybe if he answered without taking sides he would be alright. "You're looking for them?"

"Uh yeah. That's kinda why I asked if you saw them!" The aye-aye raised a brow then shook his head. Sometimes penguins made no sense at all but they sure were helpful. He was sure they could help him find his fellow lemurs. "So have you?"

"H-have I what?" The private answered, shaking slightly. Oh he was no good at this and it felt like global warming all over his body all of a sudden!

"Seen Mort or Julien!" Maurice clarified impatiently.

"M-Mort or J-Julien?" Private repeated, gulping and shaking harder. He felt like he'd have a panic attack any moment! The rotund lemur was seeing right through him! Probably calling him all sorts of terrible words in his head_. 'A liah, that's what you are! A dirty liah whose pants are on fiah! Guah! He knows! Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear…!' _"OU!" The little penguin whimpered out in fear, both flippers over his beak as his whole body just shook and shook.

Maurice just stared, a bit disturbed and with his paws on his hips, tilting his head.

Rico face-flippered with a broken groan and grabbed the aye-aye by the shoulders, turning the lemur away from the hay-wired private. "Um, haven't seen anthing. O.K?"

The aye-aye shrugged. "Okay. Was just wondering that's all." Maurice looked in the direction of the smallest penguin with concern, pointing. "Uh, is he…?"

"Oh yeah. Nomuhl." Rico waved it off as normal.

"Well thanks anyway. I'm gonna keep looking." Maurice said and went off to go search for the two missing lemurs.

"Bye, Maurice!" The weapon's expert called, waving a flipper. Then Rico turned to the private with flippers on his hips, glaring with disapproval and a head shake.

Snapped out of it, Private blushed and looked guilty. "I suppose I didn't handle that too well, did I?"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Right…hm…" The private rubbed the back of his head, looking down and rubbing his foot in a circular motion over a lone pebble. "Well at least we weren't found out. That's all that matters now, right? But there is one thing I'm confused about." Private looked up, lowering his flippers. "If Maurice is looking around for them and Julien is down in the HQ, then where did Mort run off to?"

Rico looked around. "Um…" He scratched the back of his head with a flipper before pointing to an abandoned snow-cone cart. "Snow-cones?"

Private frowned. "What is it with you and snow-cones?"

The weapon's expert began walking over to the cart, ignoring the private and his objections. The smaller penguin even tried pulling Rico's flipper but only ended up falling backwards when it pulled away.

"Oh!" The private exclaimed as he was sent tumbling back on his tail feathers. "Rico, Skippah wants us to work together! Not you walking off for something as silly as snow co-" It was then that Private noticed the brown bushy tail sticking out of the snow-cone cart. He brightened instantly. "Mort!" The little bird ran over giggling with happiness. "You found him, Rico! That's so wonderful!" He clasped his flippers cutely.

Rico climbed up on the cart to pull the tail up, revealing the little mouse lemur upside down licking a snow-cone.

Mort frowned with a pout. "Rodney doesn't like snow-cones!" He smiled and hugged the frozen treat to his cheek. "But I dooo!" The mouse lemur went for another lick when the snow-cone was ripped away from him and he was thrown down into the Private penguin's flippers.

The weapon's expert proceeded to lick the artificially flavored treat without care.

"Uff!" Private frowned as he caught the little lemur with a huff. "Well we've found Mort but what now?"

Rico threw the snow-cone into his mouth and burped. "Snow-cones!" He then dived into the cart head first, legs and tail sticking out.

The private rolled his eyes with a laugh. "Oh Rico…"

Mort cheered, waving his little arms. "Yay! They found me!"


	9. Harmless?

_A Real Spy Guy._

_~PoM~_

"Snow cones are yuuummy!" Mort said in between a lick, sitting on the snow cone cart and eating his frozen treat.

"Yup!" Rico agreed, his voice distant and in the bottom of the inside of the cart. He was still indulging down there. The sound of his beak smacking and licking was very loud and most audible. Snow-cones were just the perfect food! They counted as a food right? Although he was living proof that you could eat anything and not anything was labeled as 'food'. Whatever it was food to him and good food at that! He ate another one with a sickeningly loud and long slurp.

Private winced at the most undesirable sound and held his own snow cone away in disgust. "You know," He gulped down vomit and shuddered. "I don't think I rather like them anymore…"

The weapon's expert popped out of the cart, leaning over the edge of it in front of the private. "Ey you wan that?"

Private shook his head slowly and handed the artificial flavored ice over.

"Mmm!" Rico hummed, licking his beak and retreated back into the vendor cart. There was an unceremonious burp noise and out of the cart opening came a cloud of purple.

Poor Mort who was sitting on the end of the cart got whiff of it when a gust of wind blew it straight in his face. The little lemur's face turned sour as he dropped his frozen treat and cupped tiny hands over his tiny nose. "It smells like I want to be unconsciousness now!"

Private squealed out as the discarded snow cone fell on his head slushily. He now looked like he wore a rainbow wig and a triangle hat. "Oh dear…" As a second rude noise erupted from the cart, the private thought he'd be sick. This time a green cloud of fume was blown down to him instead and right in his face, making his eyes water and the puke come right back up again. The young penguin turned green in the face. "Oh…_dear_…!" He repeated with a gag and turned to let out his stomach when he found something in his way. A human body just lying there that he hadn't noticed before. He swallowed what wanted to come out of his mouth with another gag. Then he let out a louder gag and scream of alarm. "OUUUUU!"

"What?" Rico popped his head out of the square hole, a bit annoyed. He knew the kid wasn't one for gross out stuff or bodily functions and was full on for 'personal hygiene' but hey when you have to let it out you have to let it out! "Ehemahuh!" He complained.

"I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THE THINGS THAT COME OUT OF YOUR BODY!" The private snapped with a scowl. "I'M TALKING ABOUT THE DEAD CIVILIAN LYING HERE!"

"Dea_WHA_!?" The weapon's expert hopped down from the cart, pushing the young bird aside to take a look himself.

Private calmed down immensely, never being one for continued violence or hostility. He frowned, unsure and let out a small huff once he was rudely pushed aside. "Or he could just be unconscious…" He hoped the man was at least. "How do we know for sure?"

Rico didn't know much about checking for pulses or heartbeats or if the person still had a soul or something so he did the only thing reasonable. He looked for something to poke the body with. "Hm!" He hummed with a smile, yanking Mort down from the snow cone cart by the tail and stretched the little lemur out with a crunch. He shook the small lemur a bit, testing out its sturdiness. "Ah-huh, ah-huh, theh we go!" Holding the little creature straight out by the bushy tail, he used Mort to poke the fallen man.

"Oh I'm a pencil!" Mort proclaimed as his nose was poked against the human man's shoulder. He frowned after a bit. "But the sharpener is broken!"

Rico pulled Mort away from the body with a frown, dropping the mouse lemur on the ground.

"Is he alright?" Private stepped up a little to ask, both flippers on his beak in a bit of fright.

"Um…" The weapon's expert didn't know how to say it so he sounded it out by slicing a flipper across his throat and making a farting noise with a shrug.

"OU!" The private gasped out loudly in horror, turning his attention back hesitantly to the dead man. "T-this is…! Oh I don't even know what this is!"

Rico shrugged again and made a farting noise out his mouth.

"Yes! It's that! Oh Rico what could have cause this poor innocent soul such a fate?" Private asked.

"Ionno." The weapon's expert replied.

"I did!" Mort spoke up from sitting on the ground, arm raised and tail curled a bit around him innocently as he said it.

"Yuh di-WHAT?!" Rico exclaimed.

"P-pardon that Mort?" Private asked, flabbergasted. "I…I don't think we heard what you said…"

"I said I did it!" Mort repeated with his smile.

"Nuh-uh!" Rico argued. "Abawuhguhmeh!"

"Rico's right, you're too small and helpless to carry out anything of the sort." Private explained.

"But I did it!" Mort defended.

Private laughed and bent down to pet the little lemur's head. "Silly Mort, there's no way you could have done something like this. You shouldn't even be here" He started ushering little Mort away from the scene while talking. "This is nothing that should be dealt around a little lemur like you. Besides the point, how would you know how to do a dirty deed like that?"

"King Julien showed me how." The mouse lemur said, immediately making the two penguins freeze.

Private stood still with his beak parted, flippers still on Mort's back from where he was pushing the little guy forward. No sound came from the private.

It was only Rico who had one thing to say. _"HUH!?"_


End file.
